Hello chaps and welcome to the corner of my crappy website that has details of Mr James French's impending Stag-do of everlasting joy.

Following many pints of Star Bitter and lengthy discussion with Mr James French, and Mr Jon Sleath last night, we concluded planning Jim's Stag-do, as follows :

With a clearer head, I can now elaborate on this, as follows...

Dress-code: There is a strictly enforced dress code, anyone arriving without the correct attire will be bummed to death. To reflect Mr French's day-job, you should arrive dressed as a sex-starved Plumber on his way to fix a bored Housewife's Washing Machine, in the 70's. Think boiler suits, moustaches, chestwig, and that knowing look in your eye when she asks about 'payment in kind'.... you'll need to accessorise... plunger, codpiece, medallion, the works. (Artist's impression below)...

Date : Friday 7th August. (Yes, you can get the time off work). The fun starts with...

 

Karting ! Meet at 12.15pm at F1 Karting in Wymeswold Industrial Estate, Burton-on-the-Wolds, Leicestershire. LE12 5TR, location map is here : click. 

12.30pm briefing starts, racing starts at 1pm. Pay on the day, price £40 each. A small price to pay to watch the Metcalfe brothers smash lumps out of each other. Darryl, can you get there late, in order to give the rest of us a head start ? We're doing the Super-Sprint package, 5 minutes of practice followed by a 22 mile race (80 laps) which should take around 1 hour. All safety kit is provided, (apart from Condoms for Hag), info on the event is here : clickety click. We'll be finished at 2.30ish then you need to get yourself over to ...

The Belvoir Brewery Sample Cellar ! (Crown Business Park, Station Rd, Old Dalby, Leics, LE14 3NQ), location map is here : clickage. 

See, contrary to popular belief, I can organise a piss-up in a Brewery ! We'll aim to arrive at 3ish, when we'll be doing a Brewery Tour and Beer tasting. They have a great range of beers, although we've neglected to mention it's a stag do for obvious reasons, if anyone asks, we're Plumbers en-route to a sewage convention. We're going for the 'all you can drink in 2 hours' package at £18.95, pay on the day, details here - ker-lick. They have a secure carpark, it might be wise to leave cars there as the par-tay moves on. We'll be picked up by 'Mick's Minibus' at 6.30pm from the Brewery, and be transported in great luxury and comfort to while Mr French is sick in a bag to...

Nottingham Greyhounds ! An evening's entertainment of betting, ale and shouting at scrawny dogs (that reminds me, I must ring my mother in law), and of course, more ale. Its at Colwick, just outside Nottingham, info is here : kleek here meester. We're now simply going for the 'turn up, pay on the door, bet on a dog and drink' option as they can't handle group bookings or something. We'll be there from 7ish  then we'll take the number 45 red bus which (according to this) leaves Racecourse Rd / Colwich crossing at 8.31 to Queen Street, from there its a short stagger to ...

'4550 miles from Delhi', who say "Beat the heat with the hottest dishes at 4550 Miles from Delhi, one of Nottingham's liveliest Indian restaurants - oozing with class, from the décor to the superb cuisine to the fashionable clientele". We'll be oozing something one way or another.... table for 18 booked at 9pm, I've gone for the 'Gourmet' menu at £20 a head which gives a mix of everything including, possibly goat, although I did have some trouble understanding the guy on the phone.

Mick's Minibus will pick us up at 1130pm (we'll carry the walking wounded, Dave, I'm looking at you), and drop folks off in/around East Goscote (which is fairly central for all), if you bung the driver a few quid he'll drop you at your door or further afield if needed. We'll worry about that on the day.

Paid up Participants : Jim 'Bootsy' French, Rich 'Duisberg' Sargeant, Jon Sleg, Darryl 'Bad Voodoo' Sleath, Newlywed Rob M, Rich 'the Baron' M, Angus the Silverback, Nigel 'putting the F' into French, Kev 'Monty', Charles 'Mook' Ridley, Mick Shooter, Dubious Luke the Duke and Hag 'friendly fire' Coleman. We also have...

(Dave French is coming but not Karting, t'other Dave F and Peter F are making their own way and not karting or currying or drinking (???!!!), Jim is to confirm Trev and Bridge's attendance later).

 Payment : You'll need to pay me for the Karting (£40) and Brewery (£18.95) yourself on the day. However, I have to pay upfront for the Minibus so if you're coming, you need to cough up pronto. If you each let me have £30, it will allow for any last-minute drop-outs, and should leave enough in a kitty to get the first round in. My number is 07785 917467, I work in Queni, or you can email me at mail@chelfing.com. If you're in, I need the money pronto please !

So, what could possibly go wrong ? Apart from breaking bones at Karting, damaging internal organs at the Brewery, getting bitten by a mangy dog, getting food poisoning, receiving a bollocking off the missus when you come home peniless, incontinent, drunk and with rabies... nothing. Be there, or be square. Yours, the best man...

Rich Sargeant.

PS - For those who are unaware what Beer is, here is a short educational video, set to the soothing sound of death metal, turn it up, and learn about Beer :